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Tuesday, June 24, 2008 12:47:09 PM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        Stupidity

Stupidity

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 12:43:27 PM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        Stupidity

Blonde's Revenge

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:

"Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $10, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $100." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a ten-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $100.

The blonde politely takes the $100 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"

Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $10, and goes back to sleep.

Saturday, October 27, 2007 2:45:11 PM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        Stupidity

Why, why, why?

• Why do we press harder on a remote control when the batteries get weak?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest – but duck for a thrown revolver?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table, you always manage to knock something else over?
  

Friday, March 16, 2007 11:30:28 AM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        Stupidity

The Baptism

A drunk stumbles onto a baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stagger down into the water and stands next to the minister. The minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, sir-I am." The minister then dunks the drunk under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the minister asks. "No I haven't!" says the drunk. The minister then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and asks, "Now have you found Jesus?" "No I have not!" bellows the drunk again. Disgusted, the minister holds the drunk under for at least 30 seconds the third time, then brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God! Have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 10:03:34 AM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        Stupidity

Favorite Bumper Stickers

• He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
• A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
• On the other hand, you have different fingers.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
• Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
• Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
• I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe
• He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
• You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
• I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
• Honk if you love peace and quiet.
• Eschew obfuscation!
• Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
• Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
• It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
• Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
• The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
• It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
• You can't have everything, where would you put it?
• Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
• The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
• A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
• It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
• Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
• I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If you're gonna be riding my ass, you best be pulling my hair.
  

Tuesday, February 27, 2007 9:55:49 AM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        Stupidity

The Bothersome Customer
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant - first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't have an air conditioner."

Monday, February 26, 2007 9:33:45 AM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        Stupidity

The Drunk

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular local bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time, as everyone come out he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his light on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the patrolman. "I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I am the designated decoy."

Sunday, February 25, 2007 9:17:03 AM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        Stupidity