Feminism

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 12:52:50 PM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        The Sexes

The Secrets of Women's Language

Keywords and their meanings.

• FINE This is the word a woman uses at the end of any argument that she feels she is right about but needs to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
• FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football/hockey or whatever game is going to last before you take out the trash, so she feels that it's an even trade.
• NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
• GO AHEAD (c/w Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and eventually cause an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
• GO AHEAD (w/out raised eyebrows) This means "I give up. Do what you want because I don't care." You will, however, get a Raised Eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing", and a "Five Minute" argument ending with "Fine".
• LOUD SIGH Not actually a word of course but often a verbal cue misunderstood by men. The "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you're an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there having a "Five Minute" argument with you over "Nothing".
• SOFT SIGH One of the few sounds that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe. Just stay clear.
• OH This word followed by any statement is trouble. E.G. - "Oh, let me get that",which actually means you are obviously incapable and incompetent and cannot possibly complete the task to her particular standard. Or "Oh, I already talked to the cable guy", which means she has inadvertently blown the cover on your secret extra outlets and black box. Worse yet is, "Oh, I talked to him about what you did last night.

Friday, September 21, 2007 4:04:39 PM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        The Sexes

The Top Ten Clues To Women to Calling It A Night

10. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are and you've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies room.

9. In your last trip to "pee" you realize you now look more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess you were just four hours ago.

8. You start crying and your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling takedown moves.

7. You've found a deeper side to the office nerd.

6. The man you're flirting with used to be your 5th grade teacher. 

5. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming. 

4. You've forgotten where you live.

3. You've started to sound like Jessie Ventura from the cigarettes you've smoked, because (as you've mentioned like 10x's by now) you only smoke when you drink.

2. You start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but..."

And the number one clue to woman to calling it a night is: You're tired so you just sit on the floor (and why not!).

Friday, September 21, 2007 2:47:53 PM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        The Sexes | Top Ten

Top 10 Rejected Valentines Day Cards

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass Our love has grown. . . But so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . And you're a cutie I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

And the number one Rejected Valentine's Day Card, if you think that hickey looks like a blister, you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Friday, September 07, 2007 6:12:55 PM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        The Sexes | Top Ten

Lamour
Women are crazy.

Download: Lamour (really funny animation).asf

Friday, March 02, 2007 6:35:26 PM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        The Sexes

The Brain of a Man
Sorry, we can't help it.

Friday, March 02, 2007 6:31:45 PM (US Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)        The Sexes